I want to paint the stars, to dance the years away, and sing a song of an unknown melody.
But I only have these words.
Words that describe the painting I want to paint in the stars.
The colorful blues and the bright oranges shooting stars.
Yellow sparks of light and pink colored sun.
Grey dove tails, purple colored hearts and rich royal blue lines of mix green pathways.
Of dots of souls that travel across the galaxies, jumping among the stars in their translucent bubbles of soft colored rays of light.
Light that travels at a speed faster than a beat of my heart. Light that slowly fills the darkness of the galaxies as another star takes its leave.
Exploding fire shakes the dark blue sky, igniting colorful rays of fire crackers inside my hidden thoughts
The fiery passion that leads me to the empty space between that four corner walls and a mirror.
I put my dancing shoes on.
My eyes are closed as the image starts to take its first step towards that wooden parquet floor,
.. so smooth from this morning fresh polish.
And I feel my left arm is being lifted by this unknown energy that starts from my heart.
Heat explodes from the center of my soul and travels to the core.
.. and swirl
…. and swirl.
My feet jump and hop and never touch the floor.
As the body continues to feel the ecstatic of that continuing flow of movement.
The swirls and twists
The losing of thoughts inside my head
The light so bright that it blinds my eyes
I cannot see, but I do see
My body is numb, but I am drowning in ecstasy
I cannot move,
.. but the movement is no longer mine.
I cannot stop the image running free inside my head.
And as the image continuously rolling its passionate play of colors and movement,
.. I too begin to move.
Burned to ashes to transform and rebirth.
To arrive at a distant place that is no longer so very distant.
Where I stand on top of a cliff and gazing towards the endless horizon..
Towards the edge of the Earth where the Sun meets the Sea.
Where the blue moon rising from the darkness and I gave birth to a voice..
I never heard that voice before
It is not mine
But it is,
.. No matter how foreign it may sound
A soft symphony of a lullaby that blows life to a dying soul.
A tune that calms the raging forest and soothes the stormy seas.
A sound that carries with it so much passion, longing and love.
.. Too much,
That I explode
While pieces of my existence turn to tiny specks of rainbow colored glass.
Sometimes I wish, that I can paint.. So that I can paint the sky blue and the earth red..
Sometimes I wish, that I can dance.. So that I can feel the joy of those thoughtless movements and the racing of the breath..
Sometimes I wish, that I can sing.. So that I can soothe the pain..
But I am not a painter that transform existence..
I am not a dancer that heal scars and take time away from reality..
And I am not a singer that will soothe a crying heart..
I only have these words..
My words that describe the little world and cave I live in..
The little world known as my head..
And my passion filled imagination so vivid,..
That I sometime need to take a time away from them..
To feel the numbness
The coolness of water to soothe the raging fire..
Jakarta, 21 Sept 2014 – posted from Helsinki, 26 Oct 2016