Reposting this note today is actualy a little bit contradictory, since I am now staying overnight at a Mumbai hotel, getting ready to be picked up tomorrow morning to go to Kaivalyadham in Lonavla to attend another Anushtan with my Teacher, OP Tiwari.
I still remembered the first time I drove through the long, bumpy and dusty mountain road between Mumbai and Lonavla. It was November of 2012, and my friend Nadia and I was sitting in the back of a small old car munching on a bag of nuts we brought from Jakarta while the driver speed accross the highway, once in a while stopping to give way to the cows ( ok, I am a little exaggerating, but I was not completely making things up – no cows on most part of the highway but they are roaming free almost everywhere else 🤣🤣 ).
Ever since 2012, I made those trips and being driven across those roads numerous times, at least once every year, never get acquaintance to those mysterious curves and tangles of the mountains. But most importantly, I never get used to the feeling. Everytime, it always feels like the first time. Coming, going, leaving and arriving.
India is a land of magic and love. Its robust mystery is not for everyone, and it is certainly not for the faint hearted. You came broken, and you mau leave brand new. You arrive with many baggage, and you can leave lighter and free, if you are ready to let the baggages go, to give them away and back to the womb of the motherland who will embrace it with no question.
Here is one of the note I wrote back in December of 2013, after spending 6 weeks in Kayvalyadham. Back then, I thought that it would be the longest I will ever stay in an ashram. Little that I know that in a few years time, I spend double the time, embracing all uncertainties and falling in love over and over again.
Here’s a toast to Lonavla and Kaivalyadham, and to my loving Teacher OP Tiwari who I will see less than 24 hours!! Yeaay ☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️
Mumbai, 9 September 2017
When I packed my bags exactly 45 days ago and boarded the flight for india, I remembered telling myself that I will be ok. 6 weeks going to pass very soon and its India anyway. A place I have fallen in love with since the very first time.
And true enough, 6 weeks passed like the wind and now am boarding the flight back home just in time for the holiday seasons and to spend a good quality time with my family. Its been something to look forward too during the last 2 weeks of my stay in the ashram, when homesickness kicked in and I was constantly feeling torn between wanting to go home and wanting to continue learning from the teacher who has been so lovingly offering his close guidance and attention.
But the time has come and I am finally heading home. Though the excitement of leaving the ashram was for a while toned down with a mix feeling of unsteadiness when the car drove out of the front gate. Am I ready to be back to the real world?
After 6 weeks of being so comfortably protected within such a loving and accepting small community. Where I can be myself and be as expressive as I want to be without having to worry about any judgement or outside thoughts.
Ursula, my fellow student and friend said “this is as naked as we can be with each other. We might as well throw the clothes off and removes the last piece of our inhibitions since by now I have nothing left of me that all of you are not aware of!!” And she was absolutely right.
It felt different. To be so exposed and free. But I feel good, light, and happy. There’s a tiny shift inside me though, that told me in soft soothing whisper, that it is ok. You have been able to unmask and be yourself regardless of how pain in the a** you can be. And it is ok. So, why question? Continue doing and continue being happy.
I was told that happiness is contagious. That joyfulness is like a virus that spreads uncontrollable. That the feeling of lightness will transform to an actual rays of light that will shine throughout. And those are the feeling that we have to always keep close and keep inside the heart.
Light attracts light. And together they will travel across the space, the universe, and around the stars. I have always been a great believer in magic. And until today, i still believe that we, are all magical being with the power to change the world. If we are willing to take the first step.
I have this feeling in my belly, that next year will be a wonderful year. That it will be another year of love, light and butterflies. And when all these excitement comes, i will be prepared to open the door and allow them to come in.
As my teacher said “trust, and believe that everything will unfold beautifully.”
Lonavla, 14 december 2013